Dear boy; my love.

He's the best thing I got.
Two souls intertwined, one with another.

Happiest two years of my life right here. I pray for more to come.

3:01

I am stuck in sleep purgatory.. And it smells like Chai latte in my room..

Eyes wide open.

Have you ever felt like you were in the right place, at the right time?
Doing just the right things?
With the right person?
Have you ever felt like you are doing what you're supposed to, in the right place, with the person you are meant to be with in life?
For once in your life, does everything fit?
Do all the puzzle pieces hug nice and neatly to each other?
And if so; how beautiful/amazing/awe-inspiring is the picture it creates?
Are you blown away by lifes beauty?
Is your mind open; your heart willing?
Are you inspired so much so that you swell with tears, flood with goosebumps,forget to breathe?
And in that moment you soak in that inspiration, you breath so heavily inward that you explode like a floating balloon.
And who; might I ask, holds your heart so gently, so carefully, that you smile in your sleep, so soundly and so peacefully?
Please tell me you can say yes to these questions.
Please tell me you are willing to live; love; cry; forget;forgive.
Please tell me you can untangle all ties that hold you from your full potential.
Please tell me you can look them in the eyes and say screw you; thank you; goodbye; hello; I love you; don't go.
With so much passion; so much conviction.
You shake to the bone, your blood flows fast and hard.
You wake up that next morning, and you know; you know.
This is your time.
Your life.
And you've finally begun to live it.

Congratulations.. The world has been waiting for you..

Shut up, all of you.

This is all that I have to say.

Wake up.

It is inevitable.
We are all walking contradictions.
We cannot say, nor do anything with out double crossing it at one point.
At some point I've realized that I can no longer say anything, because sometime, somewhere along the way I have or will contradict myself. We all will.
But then that leaves us with nothing to say.
We create this image; this persona that we all want people to see. To become synonymous with.
We try so hard to keep it that in time everything we try to keep up with slivers and cracks.
Why do we try so hard to fit into a tiny mold?
Why do we only want to be one way? This way or that way?
We say that we don't care what other people think, but if that were so true, we wouldn't feel the need to even say it.
Why are people the way they are, and why does it matter?
See, yet another contradiction.
Why does this bother me so much?
Sometimes I actually wish I was close minded; that I didn't always see both sides of everything. Maybe then I could make a point and actually stick with it.

I had a point; I swear. It just got away from me. I think my point has gone to sleep, and so should I.

Stop Motion.

I was driving past an orchird the other day.
Coming down the hill all the trees look scattered and messy.
It's only until you drive directly past it that you realize there all in neat tidy rows.
Driving past each row you see snipits of earth at the other end. Almost looks like stop motion film.
I have this sick feeling in my stomach.
Almost like I am going to throw up.
I've realized that things changed and will never be the same. Memories grow old and people are forgotten.
Friendships die out and we grow cold.

I don't have much hope for today; or the next for that matter.

This is not good, I am sorry.

Today.

I don't know what it is, but I am in love with the movie Penelope.
Today; it's left me with a good feeling.
I feel hopeful and sleepy.
It's been a while.
I'm not sure if I just ran out of things to say, or nothing was worth saying anymore.
I do know, however, that I love the evening sun.
It's beautiful.
Everything smells like summer. Pure.
I love warm wind.
I feel scared and anxious. But for once in my life, it's a good feeling.
It's exciting; growing up.
Moving on.
I want to live so badly.
I am so close I can see it.

So, so many thing I want to do.
I want to visit the ocean.
I never much liked it when I was younger.
I just want to stand with my toes sinking in the sand.
You don't get that feeling around here very often... Unless you have a sandbox in your back yard..

I have an aunt that lives in northern California; wine country.
She is a wonderful woman; her and her husband. Both people filled with stories.
I was thinking how wonderful it would be to stay with her for a while.
Go some place new for a while; be independent.
Not to leave to forget the ones I know; no, not at all.
But to find the person I don't know; not yet anyway. Myself.
Just a thought.

I need some air in my lungs from a different place.
Sunshine in my hair from a different sun.
New stars to gaze at.
But never will I forget anyone.
Just a change in scenery for a while.

I want to feel summer.
Run through backyards, hop fences, jump in pools.
Catch fire.

So many things, I hope will stay with me.